


Remember

by chapter_61



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Death, I'm Sorry, M/M, Woops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 16:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6913846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chapter_61/pseuds/chapter_61
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chapter 61, but this time, Simon didn't kiss Baz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember

**SIMON**  
Baz tries to pull his head away, but I hold his face tighter. I really don’t want to do this, but this is the only way.

“Let me go, Snow.” Baz hisses. “You can’t stop me. This has to be done.”

I shake my head, ignoring the fire all around us. “I don’t care,” I say. “I’m not going to let you kill yourself.”

Baz looks surprised, and furrows his eyebrows. He slowly closes his eyes, and doesn’t open them again.

Maybe he tries to ignore me, because he wants me to leave– but I won’t. I won’t allow Baz to kill himself. I don’t know why. (He’s my enemy, why don’t I want him to die?) But there are more important things to think about right now. 

I focus on him again, and notice he’s still crying. His face looks paler than it ever did, but at the same time more alive than it ever did. The flames behind and around us illuminate his face, which is so close right now. If I’d inch a little closer, just a little, our noses would touch.

“Baz,” I whisper. It’s becoming harder to breath, the smoke is surrounding us slowly. I need to be fast.

He opens his eyes– and they are so alive, I almost have to step back (I don’t, I’m crouching.)

“Snow,” he says firmly, staring back into my eyes. “I’m going to say this one more time. Leave. Me. Alone.”

“ _No_ ,” I respond, less firmly, because I’m not as good at hiding my emotions as Baz. 

Baz looks like he’s about to burst out in tears again, but puts his hands on mine (which are still on his cheeks.) For a moment, I’m convinced he gave up, and I finally won an argument. 

But then he throws me off him with such great strength I get launched almost fifty feet away (vampire), and end my flight against a tree. Hard. I yelp in pain.

 

 **BAZ**  
I don’t want to do this, but there is no other way. The fire is coming closer. Simon isn’t. Somewhere in my head, I think, _I hope he isn’t hurt_ , but I quickly push that voice away. I don’t care if he’s hurt. I don’t care about him anymore. I’m done caring about him. I’m done fighting. I’m done.

 

 **SIMON**  
Suppressing the pain, I get to my feet. I need to make sure Baz is fine. But when I look up, I can’t see him anywhere. The flames are everywhere; licking the grass, the trees, the sky. It’s a huge wall of intense heat that burns everything it crosses.

It’s so hot. I can’t stand it. I can’t think. Baz.

I search for my wand, but then remember I left it at Watford. Whatever. I can manage without. 

I let my magic come up, and think about extinguishing the fires. Suddenly, it starts raining, pouring, and the flames around me disappear. This will do, I don’t have time to put them all out. The rain stops.

I blink a few times to let my eyes focus again, the woods are darker without the light of the fire. “Baz?” I call out. No answer. “Baz? Please, Baz?” 

No need to overreact, Baz is still out there, he must be. He’s probably ignoring me. Or he ran off. Yeah, he definitely ran away. Baz is still alive. Alive.

I take a deep breath and start running in the direction I came from, where Baz had flung me away. My footsteps pierce through the silence of the forest, now that the fire isn’t making much noise anymore. My curls stick to my face, but I don’t stop to arrange them. I don’t have time.

When I reach the spot, or what I believe to be the spot, Baz is nowhere to be seen. Merlin and Morgana, please don’t let him be dead.

“Baz!” I yell with all my might. My voice echoes through the night.  
From behind me, I can hear a desperate sigh. “ _No_ , Snow. Leave me. Go back to your fairy tale, I don’t belong in it.”

I turn around rapidly and see Baz, leaning against a tree, holding his wand. 

“What fairy tale?” I say. “If you mean Agatha, we broke up, remember? And my life isn’t complete without you, Baz. These days were fun. Can’t we be friends? We don’t have to be enemies.”

“Yes we do,” Baz raises his voice. “We are _destined_ , Snow. Prophesied. You are destined to be the Greatest Mage, and I’m destined to be your nemesis, the one that tries to take you down, but fails and eventually dies trying. And that’s always how it’s supposed to be. How it’s always going to be. You can’t escape your destiny, Simon.”

I don’t know what to say. Has he always thought of it like that? I thought he wanted to kill me because he hated me, not because he had to. “Maybe,” I say, slowly walking towards him. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t escape yours. Baz, please, put down your wand. Let’s go home and forget about this.”

For a second, I think he believes me, because he turns his head away. But then he looks back at me, and all I see is steadfastness in his eyes. No. No, no.

“Baz,” I warn him, lifting my hands. “Don’t–” 

“ _Shut up_ , Snow!” He shouts at me. “You’re making this even more difficult than it already is. I don’t _want_ to fight you, so the only option there is for me is to kill myself. It’s what my mother would want me to do too. And I couldn’t cope with myself if I’d were to kill you. I’d rather kill myself than having to kill you.”

 _What?_ “What?” I can’t believe what I just heard. I lower my hands and tilt my head. “You don’t actually hate me?”

I see tears welling up in Baz’s eyes, and he takes a step forward. But then he steps back, remembering what he was about to do. I won’t allow him. Definitely not now.

“Of course not, Simon,” Baz’s voice cracks. “I don’t hate you. Please don’t think I do. But I have to do this. Remember, I do this for you. So that I don’t have to kill you.” With those words, Baz raises his wand.

“ **Tyger, tyger** –”

“ **NO**!” I shout with a voice thick of magic, and as I yell (and wish) it, his wand flies out of his hand, landing a few feet away from us. Baz looks at his hand, confused, and then lifts his head to me.

“I wish,” Baz says, a cold, shaky voice without emotion. “You didn’t do that.”

“Baz, _please_ , there are other ways,” I beg him, stepping closer. 

He immediately jumps back, like a deer caught in headlights, and lights a fire in his hand. “Fine,” he states. “I’ll do it my way then.” As the flame in his hand grows bigger, floating above his hand, I can see the desperation grow in his eyes too. I want to jump at him, but I’m afraid he might light me on fire too.

“Baz!” I yell at him, even though he’s standing close enough to whisper. “Don’t do this. I’m begging you, don’t.” I feel my magic come up, but I push it away. If I go off right now, we will both die here.

“There’s no way around this, Simon,” Baz says. Then he continues in a softer voice. “P-Please remember I don’t hate you, okay?” The fire isn’t in his palm anymore, it’s spreading over his arms now too. “R-Remember, okay?” He says, a sob interrupting his shaky voice.  He’s going to light himself on fire. No. 

“No, Baz! You’re flammable!” I yell with desperation. He can’t do this to me.

Baz gives me one last sad smile. “So is everything,” he whispers, and everything seems to happen at the same time. The flames on his arms grow larger in a split second, and for one terrifying moment, not longer than a second, his whole body is on fire. And then the flames are gone. And Baz is gone. 

I leap forward, screaming and yelling, but the only thing left is ash. 

“Baz!” I fall to my knees on the ground, clutching in the earth. “No! Baz!” He can’t be dead– He can’t be. No. No, no, no, no! 

I roll myself up in a ball on the ground and scream until my throat is sore. And even then I won’t stop whispering his name. Baz. _Baz_. He’s gone. Forever.


End file.
